I was brought back to my room for recovery when the Dr said the words "surgery". I learned that the holes were too big to fix by a catheter and that I had a tear in my mitral valve as well. So because of this they wanted to take me into another procedure in an hour or so later to put a catheter up my arm and into my heart to take blood pressures and samples of each chamber. WOAH. OVERLOAD.
My family and Willow all being supportive and with me relaxed me and I had went in for the second test, the heart cath. I was put on a narrow table, it was comfortable, I remember the memory foam sucking me in. I began to be upset but the cardio vascular tech calmed me down and as one of nurses tried to get an IV into my other arm. They tried once, tried twice, tried three times, four times and no line. By this time it is 2:45pm I hadn't any water or food since 9pm the night before I was dehydrated and no veins were accessible in my arm. They went in through my neck, ouch, and gave me some drugs, I remember seeing my heart and vertebrae on a tv screen and a wire moving around inside my chest, I guess checking each chambers pressure. Insane. Then I must have fallen asleep. I woke up to my family and Willow in the room, my throat was sore my neck was stiff, I was exhausted but I got to drink water finally. And a few bites of a gross turkey sandwich, my Dad made me laugh. He went downstairs and got a chocolate milkshake for me, and I quickly sucked it down. Felt really good on the throat. It was so good to not feel alone, to have someone holding my hand and being close to me. It was such an overwhelming day, I finally got home after 5pm, Amy and her girlfriend had prepared some pasta and cheesy garlic bread to feast on. I was sent home with an appointment for the consultation appointment with my cardiologist for Thursday, now, tomorrow at 11:45am. They are going to tell me the surgery options, how its going to be done, Im pretty sure its going to be open heart surgery from the sound of things, being that its in a difficult place to operate on.
Today was the first day dealing with the weight of heart surgery on my brain. My neck is sore and throat scratchy. I cried a lot today. I am scared today. I am afraid of what tomorrows appointment will reveal. Im so glad that Willow and my parents are coming with me. I know Im not alone. Today I emailed 100 friends and family to share with them the hard news I have been overwhelmed with. I got dozens of emails in response, encouraging me and supporting me, loving me. My brother Jarrett spoke with me sharing how much better I will feel once its done, how the recovery will be. My sister stopped by to say she loved me before going to class and brought me comfort food. MY mom is stopping over soon to comfort me. I called my supervisor Tammy at Memorial Hospital to tell her the news and talk about medical leave, she assured me my job will still be there for me when I can return. I am sad that I just got my annual rock climbing pass and that I wont be out on the rocks anytime soon. Im upset that I have to have this happen to be. I am healthy, I have a great life...why? I received flowers from Peggy and Dan, Willows mom and stepdad, and flowers from my parents yesterday. I feel so loved. I still feel so sad. I know to take one day at a time. But today, today really really sucks mentally. Sigh. Crossing my fingers for a better tomorrow.
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